ShuNjiE

Chances

2009-01-05T16:37:00.000-08:00

06/01/09 0835am
06 days have pass from the begining of the new year.So much things have happen.Firstly,lost my job,than lost my darling since the second day back from her malaysia trip.Have been aimless passing my days don't know what to do and what i can do next.Have msg her(xy) hoping that she won't do silly things again but guess that she doesn't know that its really a hurtful reply from her sms.Glad to know that she won't be doing silly things again but why the second sentence???Is it meant to hurt me???He(T) will take care of me from now on.What have i done to deserve such a reply??Receive her sms at 0530 and saw it at 0600.I am tired but don't know why its my first thing to look for my phone when i open my eyes.Have been trying to get to sleep after receiving the mgs but kept turning left and right trying very hard to sleep.Have been thinking for the 01 hour,why am i not the one whom she look for when she is down????Am i some one that is so hard to confront to???Woke up at 0700 after feel so hard to get to sleep and have car lesson at 1000am.So i change and ride out my bike aimlessly o nthe road and don't know why its feeling so cold even when its 7 plus with so much vehices on the road.Till i exit PIE at toa payoh.Don't know why i have such a strong feel to go to pray.So headed to one of the temple to pray where the one and only place where u can find 'YUE LAU' in sg.after that headed to here which is IRC at timah to blog.This few days,i am feeling very lonely and i mean really lonely without her(xy) beside me.I really miss her badly even she told me straight in the face that its not that she cannot forget him(A) but she doesn't want to.Why am i always facing the same problem????So many obstacle in love life???I give the time she wanted but i don't get the time for me to change.Have been smsing with my ex(PS) and she ask me weather i am fine and all this things.I used to love her a lot but i don't know why,when i knew now that she is not married and without a kid,why my feeling is not the same as before???I got the answer, cos i only have her(xy) in my heart now and it ONLY HER(xy).Why am i the only one suffering???Its not easy to stand up after falling down.Once she(xy) ask me before,why don't u have confidance in yourself???Its not that i have no confidance in myself but building up confidance is not one person thing.It takes time and people around to build.After all,i have fall down once very hard on the floor.All the while its not that i don't have confidance in myself.Its things that happen to make me lose my confidance.Things u have done wrong before have make me lose confidance in myself.Gone to look he(A),him(T) and him(JB) which makes me lose confidance that i am not good enough for u so u have to look for others.Ask yourself if its true.I am not blaming anyone for anything.Once i have a total trust in her(xy) but you are the one to take it ALL away.And just to be frank,you are not stupid in not hearing my advice,you are just stubborn thats all.Its not that i can predict what will happen.Its just that in life,if you are willing to step out of the picture,you can see the picture very clearly.Things that happen in the picture.Yes,i agree that i may not be the one you love as to he(A),i may also not be the one that treat u the best as to him(T) and i also cannot give u the feeling of freedom to him(JB) also.But i can touch my heart truthfully that i really put in the effort in you.The reason why i kept giving chances and chance not that i am some one who likes to.I gives chance cos i ahve been through the situtation of when u want a chance and i mean the only chance to make things right but not being given.Does anyone been through all this???I guess not all have been through.I just hope that after the incidant that happen a year plus back will not happen again but seems like history is repeating itself at the same time of the year.Time to go for lesson now.Will continue after my lesson later on.

Sunshine after Rain 18/12/08

2008-12-18T18:37:00.001-08:00

went to jurong point to walk walk during work time and spend almost the whole afternoon grabbing a pair of stitch.Have a very strong feeling that darling will like it a lot.so went to catch it without telling her.After gotten the 2 around 4 plus,still have to bring to AMK to ballon wrap it cos have check a few places but could not find a place to do it so no choice but to go down AMK to do it and collect it later.Received a sms from darling that she will be going to jurong point also with shun ping at the same time.And have also a feeling that she will see the pair of stitch.So during night working time still have to find time go Amk to collect and bring down jurong point and to my surprise that when she saw the pair of stitch, shun ping said:"i thought this is the pair u(xy) wanted just now?"Than i know that darling saw it in the first place and like it.Haha clever of me to catch it in the afternoon and give to her in the night.Finally can see the smile that all along i wanted to see again on the face.At the same time darling bought a cigarette box with wind prove for me SO TOUCH as darling is not working and bought me a gift.Really love it a lot.So after that we went to timah for pool session with her(xy) and shun ping to teach them some tips on playing pool.Soon after gal called up and ask if we want to tag along to see him test his car performance at LCK.But ended up in pioneer rd.Fast car he have.

k-Box Day 17/12/08

2008-12-18T18:34:00.000-08:00

had k box session with R1(Vicson), houyi, evelyn, shun ping and of course Darling but in the end, ended up a very sad day for me after throwing temper and have to sleep outside house till mom open the door for me cos key with darling.

hApPy WeEkEnd 14/12/08

2008-12-18T17:47:00.000-08:00

Met up Ms, Q and of course my darling(Xy) on this raining sunday at 10.by right shpuld be 8.30 lor but due to i need to prepare breakfast for them so in the end met up late.Actually its not raining anymore in the west but while on the way to changi village,it starts to rain again.Upon reaching there we were a bit wet.So we took the ferry to Pulau Ubin and reach there about 11 plus.We sat there for breakfast that i have made for them,and order drinks.And after sitting a while,we decided to rent the bicycle to ride otherwise it will waste our trip on a sunday sitting there drinking and smoking.So we went to rent the bike for each of us and after me and darling collect our bicycle, we rode off but after a while we realise that Q ans Ms did not catch up with us so we waited for them.after a while, we saw ms sitting behind on the bicycle which 2 person can ride.OMG thought she knew how to ride!!!But in the end, Q have to ride sohard when going up slope and ms just sit there and enjoy.but still she did help to cycle when going up high slope.Around 2 plus we finish cycling, we decided to go home and bath and go to bt timah to see monkey but we went to the seaside to catch fish and guess what lich haha.What a good day.Finally in the night when we all have finish bathing and meet up again,we took out all the things we caught and play with it like spreading salt on the lich and so on.A very happy weekend spend with Q,MS and of course DARLING.Some pic attached of the day and things we caught that day.A very wet but very happy day spead at Ubin.Hopefully things can stay on like this for long.And very good place for pic as background.

haPpY but sAD dAy

2008-12-11T23:06:00.000-08:00

meet up darling (xy) to go marina sq to get bear bear and reach there around 8 plus 9.and went straight to get bear bear.But spend 45 mins there cannot even see the stupid bear to move closer till spend almost $50 and darling start to feel very sian of it already.I tried to get her to let me spend a bit more but she wont allow and start to show me face liao.Wat have i done wrong????Even i am trying to make her happy cos i can see that its different from the past few time.i can feel that this stitch she really want it cos its really very cute even to me. Sometime i really feel that she really dont feel happy at all going out with me.I guess i am still a bored person after all to her.Sorry to say that but thats the best i can do.i am sure of that cos she going to meet shun ping after i off work and stay there awhile after shun ping didn't appear and off we go for pool game at timah.Really had a gd time till she says that i am not a humble and not gentleman enough.Really turn me off.Am i really someone like this???After that fetch her to meet her friends at yew tee and she told me very firmly that she wont stay with them for long but in the end,........'i'm staying with them'.Haizzzzz maybe i am someone she really dont wan to spend time with.She once ask me why dont u have confidance in myself.Here is the answer, how to have confidance when no one gives me any confidance in me at all.Finally i understand the only person NOT NEEDED is ME.I am just like a puppy who is being showcase inside the cage with other puppies and can only sit there and see many people coming in to buy other puppie except me.Can someone feel the heart pain that i have????Didn't i give anyone the feeling that i need love more than them???Ya guess she prefer to stay with him(B) and he(T) rather than me ba.HAHA.Sometime i can't stop myself from laughing at myself how stupid and idiotic i am when i know that no matter how much i give,i can NEVER replace them from her heart ba.Will i just hope that someone who loves her to take gd care of her.Maybe i should wait for either him(B) or he(T) to be back and i can just let her go.I just wish to see her smile as i really feel its soooooo sweet to me.SOmetime i really hope she can be like MS on how well she treat q.Really envy him and a bit of jealous.Why can MS treat Q so gd but i can even feel that she like me even a single bit.Well, guess i might be trying to force something out but like wat in chinese love can only me encounter and not going after ba.Somethings in life,if its yours its yours.Otherwise no matter what and how much u do,if its not yours, i will never be yours.Really feel that somethimes that word are fighting with each other, like 'if its yours, its yours'.But what about 'persistant is wat u need to make things come through'.really some how cannot understand ba.Can someone teach me what should i do.Anyway this is the stitch that she really likes a lot.

Never wait for thing to ahppen.

2008-12-04T00:02:00.000-08:00

Never wait for things to happen she(xy) once said.for me......make thing happen.When the first day u start to cherish yourself,i will be the first to cherish u AGAIN Darling.

DisApPointEd dAY

2008-12-03T23:50:00.000-08:00

dont know why i kept thinking of her???She(xy) didn't sms anything the whole day.Haizzzzz guess she must be well already from her sickness which i hope she will soon.SMSes her at night when i reach home but didn't reply and i can CONFIRM she will be spending her night at a guy's place.Meet he(T),him(Q) to find her.I feel very wasted a gal like her goes the wrong path.I know it very bored to stay at home but why let other guy played u out when u knew about it and willingly let others do it!isn't 1 guy love enough???I keep tell myself that i wMUST not sms or call her but i really scare that something will happen to her.Really tired of doing that liao.I have learn my hard way when i have an easy way out but i choose not to.I really don't wish to see her walk till this step.Its not easy to survive in the world without cert to be frank.I really hope she will chose the easy way than the hard way although the hard way u learn more but not worthy it.Till now i wonder,does she worth my love????YES i can touch my heart to say that but if she change.She never realise her mistake and kept doing it again and again.I reallly hope i can slap her real hard on her face to wake her up but i know i wont do it.PLEASE WAKE UP MY DEAREST DARLING.What i can do now is to wait and wait and wait till the fu*king miserable day come when i meet the ONE hopefully its her.Really sick and tired of carrying a burden and put it down repeatly.SO TIRED.Now i only wants to buy a car thats it.Haha no 1 included her(xy) will see my blog so i can sayy it loud now.MY TP IS ON JAN.hopefully can pass can buy my car something which belong to me and will never betray me.

sAd day

2008-11-27T00:04:00.000-08:00

Another sad day,Darling finally wants to be friends only........WTF......after how much effort i have put in there's only BEE, JB and back again TENG.She is just like a sweet that is being surrounded by so many ants.....but well i guess its time for this tiny and useless ant to just walk away from this sweet to look for another.Although i might love her a lot but i guess its time, and its time.Have almost been slap and strangle by 2 ladies ms and sx.They are so tired in talking to me already till even my sis(SX) say 'u are hopeless'.WTF is this how u treat my bro????Ialways give ppl chances and chances, again and again.But why in the end i ended up like this.Now what i can only say is i want nothing but hope to get my Civic (SIR) or EG-6 as soon as i can and if possible.

tiRing DaY

2008-11-24T18:05:00.000-08:00

Went rounding last night with houyi and qiang and so many more.reach home at 5 and wake up at 8 for work feeling so tired.Went a bit crazy last night as i saw my sweetest darling talk and smses JB.WTF.All of sudden,everything seems out of control.Walk out from darling place and rush into the lift.Feeling so stress that i punch the bloody lift wall real hard 3 times till i myself feel the whole lift shaking.What have got into me???Recently i feel i am losing control of myself over the bar gal.Throwing temper around and the suey person last night is shuiling.I dont know why but start to feel something which have not been with me for a long time.STRESS.I start to breath very deeply after going into the lift and start my bike.Poor thing alway got bully cos i am in a bad mood.I head straight to Lim Chu Kang and run 4 round before i can calm down just that little bit and get hold of myself.After that head to petrol kiosk to buy something cold to cool meself down but in the end,i bought MEJI strawberry milk.Something which will cause me stomache after drinking.Went back to meet darling at her block downstair and got f by her saying "although u want to change yourself but there is something which u didn't change,playing a fool with your own health by drinking milk again.After talking a while,she found out something which i don't really want anyone to know.I wont mentain it as i guess i wont want other to know after reading my blog.

Too sad and lost to do anyhthing

2008-11-23T20:14:00.000-08:00

Haizzz another monday bluezz.early morning kana called in to office by director for some "coffee".What a good day start.now actually lunch time but too lazy and lost of mood to go for lunch and start to see others blog and saw her(xy) blog.Bee again.either JB or bee.Who am i???Just msn with ex-colleague from osim wen yao.Heard a good and happy news from him,Getting married next jan 2009.Congrat brother.But what have i got???Nothing.Actually very hungry and tummy start to call me to go for some food but really lost of mood.Why does i see everyone being so happy and me still alone out there.I have really tried my best but i still could not get what i really wan.What can i do next???Wait and Wait and wait and wait and wait and wait??Called qiang up and heard ms voice seems so happy at the zoo.Like 2 little kids.Anyway all the best to this 2 friends and of course my sis sx with her boy boy.I feel i am being so lost and i really mean very lost and unwanted.Will my life be like this till the day i die??No colleague at workzz no friends outside.How come my life is like this???When others life is like a beautful piece of art on a piece of drawing paper but my is just a piece of blank paper with no colour.Everyone only knows i like to complain but who ever put themself in my shoe??Should i give up??Should i just scrabble something on my blank piece of drawing paper???Till now i still wonder.

From the everyone called "willing to be called stupid and idiot person"stupidest fool in the bloody whole world.

Somethings which u does not know me to know and i know

2008-11-20T22:54:00.001-08:00

Why still bother to hide the truth from me since you are already with him(JB).I never like to share anything with someone else.Remember what i hate most.Liar who lie their way through.Remember what i told u before,if there is no wind there will be no wave.No matter how much paper u use to cover a fire you can never cover it up.if he meant so much to u pls leave me alone.I will rather be alone again than to betrayed and lied to.Sorry to know what u alway don't want me to know.All the best for u and him since u love to be accompany by him than me.I rather suffer alone than to see u lie your way through cos there will never be nothing can be hide which i want to know.I will dig out whatever i want and NO ONE CAN STOP ME.

Best Wish,

Yur stupiest and dumbest Darling who act stupid and dumb all this while.

tHe saMe SaD DaY

2008-11-20T22:54:00.000-08:00

Just finish having my breakfast cum lunch.Guess she is still sleeping due to drinking with him(JB).I keep wondering why must this bl**dy FU**ER appearing to destroy my sweet dream everytime i feel so blessed and happy when i am with her.How i wish i can see her smile and feel the happiness with her like when we went prawning 2 weeks ago.Her 2 sis MS & SX have tried tell her but she seems nothing.Is she cold blooded,or no feeling???cos of her i am being look down by my sis(sx) saying that i am a person who say 1 thing and do the other.Which idon't mind cos of her(XY) and i feel its worth it.Why must i loved her so much when she can't even give me the very basic thing which is trust and faithfulness.She keep saying that i don't trust her,but what did she do to prove that i should trust her???Everytime i set my mind to trust her she will do all this things like being with him(JB).Is that something that she does to make me trust her??I keep giving chances and chances again and again,but why don't cherish the chance.Chances will not come and come again.Or like what MS told me,"with you and without you it makes no difference to her".Istart to realise that it becoming true all i shpould say it true all the while.Does i give her(xy) a feeling that i am playing her out compare to what he(JB) did to her???People who read this post,pls give me an answer PLEASE.Does a guy who only ask you to his house and not showing any concern except asking you to go drinking and to his house to be played means LOVE.Maybe its the kind of love each one wants.I really hope that time can stop at when i am happy like going prawning,getting sitch at marina where at least i feel i am some one to her.Dont't i deserve to be loved???Or i am just a spare tyre to her(xy)???Only one who can bring her out on my bl**dy RVF when she is bored.Maybe its the kind of love she won't want.I guess no one will get to see this blog of my and no one will understand.Who have been through 6 relationship which none of them last for more than 8 months???i really hope some one out there can give me a bl**dy slap on my face and hold me shaking me hard to wake me up from this dream.I am still unwill to give her up till now but what can i do???Still acting stupid and dumb might not be the way anymore.This might be the last time i will be saying this "I LOVE YOU my SWEETEST DarlIng XinGYinG PLS CHERISH YOURSELF" you are not the kind of gals to be played around by guys.Good Luck in everythings u do.I will definitely miss you.Really hope to see you becoming a better person.And hopefully i can see this smile from you again.

A Sad Day

2008-11-20T22:25:00.000-08:00

had a very hard to sleep night.actually didn't wan to continue with this blog anymore but she(sx) ask me to continue with it,really cant find a way to let out my sadness.ever since heaven drop me a gal that whom i didn't wan to go after in the first place,i feel very happy and sad.even though i feel very hard to let go this "abnormal" relationship but i really can't understand why she(XY) have to do all this things to hurt me.Yesterday, i took a no pay leave wanted to accompany her out as i knew she will be bored but after going to causeway for shopping and on our way back to her home she got 2 missed call and 1 sms.Iask who sms her,she told me its him(JB).And i ask her what he sms,to my surprise,she said i dont want to let u see cos u will get angry.I walk her home and said that i wanted to go home for a rest.After i reach home she told me that she was unable to accompany me as her friend birthday is today.I guess she will be meeting him(JB) today.We have a small argument over this matter but alright after that.But i realise that actually she went to his(JB) house to spend a night the day before which i have guess so that day.why will she need to do all this all the time.I knew she was showing me attitude this few days but i don't mind,i even went marina sq to pick up the sitch for her as i know she wants it very much.Am i not good enough for her?Even though she knew all along this guy is playing her,and she is willing to go up to his house.Just because he(JB) is able to accompany her for a drink in the pub????many QNS have come into my mind.Today i took an mc again.The 4th day mc this month.Is it because of her???I guess its time to let her go.Maybe she is still playful but i guess its too silly to be played by a guy who can't give her a good future.Can he give her happiness???Till now i still wonder.I am really very tired to think and to argue anymore as she(xy) promise not to go to any guys house alone but she still did.Did i not able to give her happiness compare to him???

Hoping for a new Beginning

2008-11-13T21:12:00.000-08:00

Recently heaven drop a gal out of nowhere to me.But i never thought of going after her as i never believe having someone inside your heart and to love someone else.WHAT SHOULD I DO???

The Day after A Year

2008-11-13T21:01:00.000-08:00

Haizzzz,a year have pass and things are still the same.Still struck in the same spot for the past one year.Sometime i wonder why is heaven so unfair,when i see all (only a few) my friends living happily with their loves one but i am always alone.Did i did something wrong in my previous life??or did i ever offend them(Heaven)??Nothing in my life has change etc:lateness(i am never late last time), hack care(never bother about things that happen around now)Why can't my life be like other??Having a gf to accompany with.Is it that diffcult to find someone to love me more instead of me loving them??I never mind about giving more than to take more(give and take) but why can i have a better life???