Chances

06/01/09 0835am
06 days have pass from the begining of the new year.So much things have happen.Firstly,lost my job,than lost my darling since the second day back from her malaysia trip.Have been aimless passing my days don't know what to do and what i can do next.Have msg her(xy) hoping that she won't do silly things again but guess that she doesn't know that its really a hurtful reply from her sms.Glad to know that she won't be doing silly things again but why the second sentence???Is it meant to hurt me???He(T) will take care of me from now on.What have i done to deserve such a reply??Receive her sms at 0530 and saw it at 0600.I am tired but don't know why its my first thing to look for my phone when i open my eyes.Have been trying to get to sleep after receiving the mgs but kept turning left and right trying very hard to sleep.Have been thinking for the 01 hour,why am i not the one whom she look for when she is down????Am i some one that is so hard to confront to???Woke up at 0700 after feel so hard to get to sleep and have car lesson at 1000am.So i change and ride out my bike aimlessly o nthe road and don't know why its feeling so cold even when its 7 plus with so much vehices on the road.Till i exit PIE at toa payoh.Don't know why i have such a strong feel to go to pray.So headed to one of the temple to pray where the one and only place where u can find 'YUE LAU' in sg.after that headed to here which is IRC at timah to blog.This few days,i am feeling very lonely and i mean really lonely without her(xy) beside me.I really miss her badly even she told me straight in the face that its not that she cannot forget him(A) but she doesn't want to.Why am i always facing the same problem????So many obstacle in love life???I give the time she wanted but i don't get the time for me to change.Have been smsing with my ex(PS) and she ask me weather i am fine and all this things.I used to love her a lot but i don't know why,when i knew now that she is not married and without a kid,why my feeling is not the same as before???I got the answer, cos i only have her(xy) in my heart now and it ONLY HER(xy).Why am i the only one suffering???Its not easy to stand up after falling down.Once she(xy) ask me before,why don't u have confidance in yourself???Its not that i have no confidance in myself but building up confidance is not one person thing.It takes time and people around to build.After all,i have fall down once very hard on the floor.All the while its not that i don't have confidance in myself.Its things that happen to make me lose my confidance.Things u have done wrong before have make me lose confidance in myself.Gone to look he(A),him(T) and him(JB) which makes me lose confidance that i am not good enough for u so u have to look for others.Ask yourself if its true.I am not blaming anyone for anything.Once i have a total trust in her(xy) but you are the one to take it ALL away.And just to be frank,you are not stupid in not hearing my advice,you are just stubborn thats all.Its not that i can predict what will happen.Its just that in life,if you are willing to step out of the picture,you can see the picture very clearly.Things that happen in the picture.Yes,i agree that i may not be the one you love as to he(A),i may also not be the one that treat u the best as to him(T) and i also cannot give u the feeling of freedom to him(JB) also.But i can touch my heart truthfully that i really put in the effort in you.The reason why i kept giving chances and chance not that i am some one who likes to.I gives chance cos i ahve been through the situtation of when u want a chance and i mean the only chance to make things right but not being given.Does anyone been through all this???I guess not all have been through.I just hope that after the incidant that happen a year plus back will not happen again but seems like history is repeating itself at the same time of the year.Time to go for lesson now.Will continue after my lesson later on.