tHe saMe SaD DaY

Just finish having my breakfast cum lunch.Guess she is still sleeping due to drinking with him(JB).I keep wondering why must this bl**dy FU**ER appearing to destroy my sweet dream everytime i feel so blessed and happy when i am with her.How i wish i can see her smile and feel the happiness with her like when we went prawning 2 weeks ago.Her 2 sis MS & SX have tried tell her but she seems nothing.Is she cold blooded,or no feeling???cos of her i am being look down by my sis(sx) saying that i am a person who say 1 thing and do the other.Which idon't mind cos of her(XY) and i feel its worth it.Why must i loved her so much when she can't even give me the very basic thing which is trust and faithfulness.She keep saying that i don't trust her,but what did she do to prove that i should trust her???Everytime i set my mind to trust her she will do all this things like being with him(JB).Is that something that she does to make me trust her??I keep giving chances and chances again and again,but why don't cherish the chance.Chances will not come and come again.Or like what MS told me,"with you and without you it makes no difference to her".Istart to realise that it becoming true all i shpould say it true all the while.Does i give her(xy) a feeling that i am playing her out compare to what he(JB) did to her???People who read this post,pls give me an answer PLEASE.Does a guy who only ask you to his house and not showing any concern except asking you to go drinking and to his house to be played means LOVE.Maybe its the kind of love each one wants.I really hope that time can stop at when i am happy like going prawning,getting sitch at marina where at least i feel i am some one to her.Dont't i deserve to be loved???Or i am just a spare tyre to her(xy)???Only one who can bring her out on my bl**dy RVF when she is bored.Maybe its the kind of love she won't want.I guess no one will get to see this blog of my and no one will understand.Who have been through 6 relationship which none of them last for more than 8 months???i really hope some one out there can give me a bl**dy slap on my face and hold me shaking me hard to wake me up from this dream.I am still unwill to give her up till now but what can i do???Still acting stupid and dumb might not be the way anymore.This might be the last time i will be saying this "I LOVE YOU my SWEETEST DarlIng XinGYinG PLS CHERISH YOURSELF" you are not the kind of gals to be played around by guys.Good Luck in everythings u do.I will definitely miss you.Really hope to see you becoming a better person.And hopefully i can see this smile from you again.